The Painting of a Wall
by FuzzyMinstrel
Summary: A short one shot involving Remy on the ceiling, a purple squirrel, a breif mention of an OC who is less than friendly, multiples, the sound BAMF, paint, and most importantly, a WALL! MUAHAH!


Welcome to the world of Laney! Bwahah! cough Yes, I am the infamous Laney of which you have heard so much! Well, actually, you've probably never heard of me at all, but hell. I can pretend, can't I? glares defensively Well, maybe not. Just get off my case, people!

Did you notice that I'm insane? I'm also beta-less, so if a beta that doesn't totally suck and is willing to beta over IM and be friendly instead of a jerk with grammar skills, I would be most appreciative. In case you couldn't tell, my last two betas sucked ass. ahem

Anyways. On with the story. Plugging for the wonderous author: pirate kit, the crazy Jamie-loving monkey! Muahaha! choke

Right. Story.

"Kurt, I don't think we can use this one. It's too… um…" began Kitty.

"Fluorescent purple?" suggested Jet without tact. Kitty nodded earnestly.

"Kurt, it's just not… well, let me see…"

"It's so bright that it would kill Jean, and if that fails, Jubilee will go into orgasmic shrieks of glee over its neon-ness." Jet and her helpfulness again. Because Jet was always _so_ helpful. (Please note the sarcasm)

"Vat? Jubilee iz—eck. Am not even vanting to zhink about it! Yuuuck! Kitty, Jet is _gross_, daa?"

Kitty was in a fit of giggles. "Kurt, she's -giggles- right, you –giggles- know that? Jubilee _would _–giggle- do that…"

"Vell then, _fine_. But do not be saying zat I did not _try_," Kurt informed the girls huffily.

"How about yellow?" suggested Kitty after she stopped giggling.

Jet looked at her and _blinked_.

Now, Jet didn't just blink like normal people. When someone was being completely oblivious/stupid/imbecilic, she would look at them for a long time, and give them the Scary Blink of Sarcastic Death. Jet herself was practically a Scary Girl of Sarcastic Death. Admittedly, this could probably be attributed to the fact that she had a pet squirrel whom she had dyed neon purple and called "Germaine". The most disturbing thing about said squirrel (aside from the fact that it had a disturbing fondness for eating Bobby's underwear) was that its nickname was "Germy". This caused certain people (i.e. Scott) to run in terror. This suited Jet perfectly, as she was under the distinct belief that Scott's underwear was on too tight, and liked him about as much as she liked the color yellow. Which she did not like. This is why she also did not like Jubilee, who she was certain did not own anything outside the color yellow.

Kitty quailed in fear of the Blink. "How about blue, then?" she asked meekly. Jet seemed to consider this.

"Do you _vant_ it to match my vur?" prodded Kurt in annoyance. Kitty giggled at the image of the wall being painted in _Colour Du Kurt_. With fur included.

"Remy be thinking dat it needs to be black," the Cajun informed them from the ceiling. Of course, no one had noticed that he was on the ceiling until now, and only Kitty wondered why. Jet and Kurt knew not to bother wondering—it really didn't matter, and even if it did, they would never find out anyways.

"Black'll make it look too small, Gumbo," Kitty informed the Cajun. Jet giggled. Only three things in the world made Jet giggle. One would be the sight of Logan in baby pink footie pajamas (though this might actually cause her to scream in terror instead), two would be the sight of Piotr covered in magnets that said "I love tofu" and "Magical Mutant Refrigerator", and three was the use of Remy's unfortunate nickname of "The Loveable Gumbo". It was vaguely disturbing.

"Remy wears black and _he_ isn't small," smirked the Cajun with a wink. Kurt snickered, and Jet put her head in her hands in exasperation.

"…Well, it's different with people," began Kitty, not getting his joke at all. Then again, Kitty was mostly oblivious to everything.

"I do not zhink zat is vat ze Gumbo vas meaning, Kitty," started Kurt, but Jet finished for him.

"What the imbecile was referring to was his _bits_, which you would know if you'd ever _seen_ a set of them, Pryde," she informed the Shadowcat scathingly. In reality, Jet was just rather mean. And always seemed to have PMS. Perhaps she should have that looked at?

"What're _bits_?" Jamie asked Kurt, finally saying something. Until now, he had been sitting in a corner, surveying the scene.

Remy choked and nearly fell from his perch on the rafters. Kurt buried his head in his hands. Jet had begin to reply, but Kitty, who was _very _much against the idea of a ten year old hearing about male sexual organs, leapt upon her and the two of them fazed through the floor. Their shouting could be heard from three floors away.

"Vell, Gambit, it looks like it is just ze two—er, zree, of us. Jamie, you zhink zat vee could get meester Gumbo down from zee ceiling, or should vee call Professor Jean?"

Jamie pretended to think about it, scratching his chin as though he had a beard.

"With my multiples, I bet we could get 'im down. Hang on," the boy said. He clapped his hands together a few times, and at least a dozen identical copies of himself _popped_ out. Kurt grinned.

"I vill teleport up zhere and zhen you all vill catch him, daa?"

The herd of boys nodded, and Kurt disappeared with a faint

BAMF

and landed on the rafter beside Gambit. The plan would have worked perfectly if the Cajun had not screamed like a five year old girl and toppled off the rafter, due to Kurt's less-than-normal arrival. This unprepared-for landing caused the mob of Jamie's not to be ready, in turn causing one Cajun to hurtle towards the floor without being caught.

THUD

"Well, fuck."

The wall which had been under debate by Jamie, Jet, Kitty, Kurt and Remy, was the wall for the den. It had just been built (having stopped existing after being hit by a boy named Sam, a girl named Jubilee, and a man named Logan), and Kitty, Kurt, and Bobby had been selected to paint it, as they were slightly less colorblind than the rest of the school. However, Bobby had ended up leaving to go snog Rogue, and then Jet wandered by with Jamie and a squirrel on her shoulders. For some reason, the deranged teen got along extremely well with the ten year old, and they were often seen together. One would suspect that this was because she always answered even the most embarrassing of Jamie's questions with utterly frighteningly blunt answers. Or perhaps it was because she had a purple squirrel. Either way, the team had gained two more members—though they mostly stood around and were scathing and annoying, respectively. This is why, in the end, everyone was gone and the wall was not painted. Therefore it stayed white, and the topic was never disputed again.

"Peter?" queried someone from slightly below waist height. Colossus looked down from the wall which he was painting to see a boy's face pouting up at him.

"Jamie?" replied the seven-foot-tall Russian. The boy looked very upset.

"Peter, John killed Remy."

Piotr nodded, continuing to study the walls he was trying to paint. Then he did a double take.

"What? How?"

"With paint, water, and a purple squirrel."

"Ohhh. Well, as long as he is not on the ceiling once again."

END


End file.
